I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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