so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
