Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
