his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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