All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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