I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
