the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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