i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he was CRYING into my vagina
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
