It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
