considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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