We named our party play list daddy issues
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
