I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
