She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
