My hand turned me down
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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