Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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