dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize