Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
