I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
porn star boner night. come get it.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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