do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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