my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Everclear isn't food dammit
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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