For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
