My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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