we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
