did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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