My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Too much gin, very little bucket
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize