he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm both gender and math confused
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
