Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
