Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
