dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
