If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
