so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
