I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
