Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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