No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
