There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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