i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize