i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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