You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
