My friends, they love my intelligence
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
