Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
