We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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