Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
