i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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