STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
