i barfeds in our rink
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So much rum. So many feels.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
