Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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