Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize