she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
