Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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