I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
