FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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