I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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