I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
