I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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