oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
