What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
