Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
