Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
