Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
