I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
