so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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