got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
