I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
