i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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