If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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