I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
