oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
