you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
