Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
well most of my day revolves around power hour
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
