If that was your dad, he is hot
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
