Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
