ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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