M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
