is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
