i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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