i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
