90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize