I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
