is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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