it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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