This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I am midnight drunk by noon
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize