I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
