So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
