I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
