Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize