I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
