if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
