break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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