Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
