why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
